(CAR HORN) VOICEOVER (VO): The nation's favorite celebrities...

It's not worth a tenner.

VO: ..paired up with an expert... You're learning.

VO: ..and a classic car.

This is very exciting, isn't it?

It is.

VO: Their mission, to scour Britain for antiques.

Got a nice ring to it.

VO: The aim, to make the biggest profit at auction.

Come on.

VO: But it's no easy ride.

RICHARD: Brake.

DOMINIC: I can't!

VO: Who will find a hidden gem?

I hope I don't live to regret this.

VO: Take the biggest risk?

We've definitely got a problem.

VO: Will anybody follow expert advice?

You'd never catch me buying anything like that.

VO: There will be worthy winners... (THEY CHEER) VO: ..and valiant losers.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

VO: Put your pedal to the metal.

VO: This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah.

Today, a bit of Northern Irish charm descends on Scotland.

TARA LYNNE O'NEILL (TL): Now, this...this is glamour.

Yes.

It's a wee bit of glam, we've got a lovely car.

Nobody's asking us to get out of it.

Not yet anyway!

VO: Yes, stars of hit comedy series Derry Girls Tara Lynne O'Neill and Ian McElhinney have bunked off from Our Lady Immaculate college for an outing around the wilds of Aberdeenshire.

But I wonder do the cows sound different?

D'you know, do they... (IN SCOTTISH ACCENT)"Moo, moo"?

Would it be different than my Donegal cow?

"Mow!"

Ones around Belfast, (DEEPLY) "Maou!"

Maou!

VO: As well as playing Grandad Joe in Northern Ireland's hit sitcom Derry Girls, you might also recognize Ian as Barristan Selmy from HBO's Game Of Thrones.

Sitting next to him is Derry Girls' on screen daughter Tara, known for a number of British films and television shows.

IAN: What is it, 20 years, d'you reckon, that... IAN: ..we've known each other?

TL: It must be.

And I've directed you in stuff as well actually, haven't I?

TL: Yes.

IAN: Yeah.

To your credit, you had the patience of a saint.

VO: But how will our acting chums fare when it comes to antique hunting?

IAN: You want to win, don't you?

Course I do.

I'm highly competitive.

I know you're a pensioner, but that means nothing, Ian!

Listen, as Ian, I will accept your winning.

It won't bother me too much.

But as Grandad Joe?

But as Grandad Joe, I am sorry, there is no way my daughter can get the better of me.

I'm sorry, it's just not gonna happen.

Well, I could distract you with some of me sandwiches that I've brought with me... Did you pack it up for the day that's in it?

VO: So that's provisions sorted.

They'll also get the use of this snazzy 70s MGB GT, an allowance of £400 each to blow in the shops, and a little specialist help, of course.

I wonder what our experts will be like.

They'll be lucky if they get a word in, Ian.

VO: Don't worry, the ones you've got can hold their own.

Two of Scotland's finest, in fact.

The effervescent Natasha Raskin Sharp, and font of antiques wisdom Paul Laidlaw.

IAN: Natasha, she's not gonna want to let herself down against her fellow expert, so... Well, I hate to tell you... ..so we'll be properly competitive.

..my fellow expert is the expert.

IAN: Alright.

He's big daddy?

TL: Yeah.

Yeah, I...I phoned ahead to make sure that I got the best guy.

No offense on Tash.

Well I'll tell Tash that and see how she takes it.

I'd just love to know how she reacts to that particular bit of information.

VO: I think we'd better get this lot together.

On this Aberdeenshire excursion, we'll be shopping all the way to Ballater.

But first up, we find ourselves in Kincardine O'Neil.

The name of the village is said to come from the ancient barony of O'Neill.

Could be Tara Lynne's family seat.

Ha!

You never know!

But it is home to the Deeside Antiques Emporium, in this former church.

IAN: That's the one downside of these cars... You can't look graceful getting out of them.

Come on.

We'll go in together.

IAN: OK. TL: The competition starts now.

IAN: Off we go then!

(LAUGHS) VO: And they're off.

This place has only been open for a few months, but you'd never know it from the plethora of antique treasures on offer.

The wares of more than 20 dealers are here for the browsing.

And already scoping out the joint, there's a couple of antiques experts knocking about too.

PAUL: Oh!

Tara Lynne!

TL: Hello, how are you?

TL: How are you?

I am so excited to meet you.

I am so excited to be here.

The smell itself is exciting.

It's just how to pick is gonna be the hardest thing.

I don't think it's gonna be hard for you.

TL: Do you not?

Just do it.

Come on, let's do it!

Let's just find the weirdest thing we can.

TL: Right, let's go.

PAUL: (LAUGHS) VO: One pair are off and running.

How about the other two?

IAN: Aha... Natasha.

NATASHA: Oh, hi!

Ian, it's lovely to meet you.

How are you?

Nice to meet you too.

Now, I don't know if it has any value, but I've already seen stuff that I like.

NATASHA: Have you?!

IAN: Yeah.

You've just walked in the door!

You do realize we are in a competition and we have to win.

Oh, you have to win?

So if anything goes wrong, by the way, it's all your fault!

NATASHA: Oh, on that note, shall we go and have a look?!

NATASHA: Right.

OK... IAN: OK, come on.

VO: No pressure, Tash.

£400 each to spend, don't forget, and let's see what leaps out at them, eh?

Jeez, you'd need to be weightlifting.

PAUL: Yeah.

That's on top... TL: Ooh!

And you get the livestock as well.

There you go.

Oh, my wallet... VO: Yes, we should've warned you about the moths.

Ha!

Shall we try something else?

PAUL: What do you think of that?

TL: I think it look... PAUL: That is wild.

It looks plastic but it's not!

PAUL: No, that's chromed metal, that.

TL: Now, is it a coffee grinder?

You know what I think it is?

I think it's ice... ..for your drinks.

Put your cubes in there and make like a snow, like a slush.

TL: Oh, it's like a slushie.

That's what I think.

Look at you pretending to be an expert.

It has an iceberg there!

PAUL: (LAUGHS) D'oh!

VO: You've been rumbled, Paul!

£45 on that.

It's really attractive.

I just think it looks magic.

But it looks like something that belongs on a vintage car, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bolt it in front of your Cadillac.

I think it's a standout thing in an auction.

It's got hipster written all over it... TL: I'd have it in my it in my kitchen, yeah.

Yeah, likewise.

I mean, "Anyone like some ice?"

Yeah, and it's a party piece, isn't it?

Damn right!

One to think about.

VO: And while you're in the area, anything else?

PAUL: Oriental rugs.

Never mind the rugs... PAUL: Oh!

TL: Does he look familiar?

I know his clan.

VO: He's a Womble!

Stars of children's television and the music charts in the 1970s.

This one's Uncle Bulgaria.

Don't know the other one, though.

They're so well-kept.

Do you know, whatever child had this, or should I say, probably a 47 year old like myself had these.

Um, I love them.

VO: £28 on the ticket.

TL: Is that for two?!

PAUL: For the pair, that cannot be dear.

PAUL: You know what sells?

TL: What?

Nostalgia sells.

And you know who's got money to spend right now?

Old people like me?

People our age.

No, in their prime!

So if we could get these for, like, 20... Yeah.

Surely they're going to give you something on them.

They're covered in cobwebs for God's sake, they've been... PAUL: ..here long enough.

TL: Yeah, I just got... (COUGHS) Yeah, I think that's Georgian.

I think we're doing this.

Lead the way, boys.

VO: Definitely making good use of the things that they find.

Now, Ian spotted a few items on arrival.

Let's take a closer look.

IAN: This is a very quirky little piece, which I just think is just beautiful and extraordinary and wacky.

IAN: It's that.

NATASHA: The cat is cool.

IAN: Yeah.

It's really cool.

And look at the eyes, wonderful blue eyes.

It seems to me a very original piece, this.

NATASHA: OK.

So my first question is, is it heavy in your hands?

NATASHA: Nice and weighty?

IAN: Yes, it's weighty.

NATASHA: OK.

So it should be bronze then.

It is bronze, yes... OK, so bronze cat.

Oh, we have a name - "Walter..." IAN: "Bowsser?"

"Bowsse?"

Walter Bosse, I think it says, yeah.

VO: A Viennese artist and designer whose bronze animal figurines were very popular in the mid 20th century.

This one's priced at £38.

I mean, it's really nice.

The bronze has some nice verdigris coming... Well, that's what I was gonna say, it's quite tarnished, if that's the right phrase.

NATASHA: It's very sweet.

I mean, I really like its style.

NATASHA: It's, you know... IAN: Yes.

It's just really nicely done, and so simple.

IAN: Perhaps I'm being optimistic, but if I got that for 20, I would go into the auction with reasonable confidence that that would make me money.

And I'd be disappointed if it didn't.

D'you know, I think our only hope for getting some money knocked off a price that's already very keen... ..would be to double up a couple of items to say, "What's your best price for the two?"

IAN: In that case... NATASHA: Yeah?

..we'll go searching for something to accompany that.

I think that cat is currently on my list.

VO: The cat's pajamas, you might say.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the store, Tara Lynne and Paul have abandoned that ice grinder, but definitely have a couple of furry friends under consideration.

What else?

That is a piece of furniture.

You like that?

I love it...

It's like a coffin for a small person.

PAUL: (LAUGHS) VO: Crikey!

PAUL: So, this is your household desk.

All your personal papers are in there, your ink pot... TL: Oh!

PAUL: ..your quill.

PAUL: Date wise, late 17th, early 18th century... TL: (WHISPERS) Wow.

PAUL: ..400 years old... ..and if ever a piece could tell a tale...

Here's a tale for you.

I suspect that's the original hinge.

And at some point, this one, the hinge, failed.

And this is a replacement.

The two could not be more dissimilar.

An untrained eye could look at that and go, "Oh, my God, it's all over the shop."

PAUL: On the contrary!

TL: That's what you want.

PAUL: All that wants is a dust and a wax.

D'you know, cuz everything now has to be symmetrical... PAUL: Yeah.

TL: ..and the same... ..and everything about it says "I'm an individual."

Yes!

VO: So unique, in fact, there's no price on it.

Well, there's old and then there's old... TL: ..and then there's Ian.

PAUL: (LAUGHS) VO: Aye aye?

Ssh!

I mean, that's rubbish.

I mean, that's just really old.

I mean, who'd buy that?!

Yeah... How're you doing?

Not too bad.

You interested in that?

No.

Sure, look at it.

It smells really bad, too.

Hinges don't even match... (CLICKS TONGUE) I think you're giving me a bit of a yarn there.

Uh-huh?

Off you go.

Bye.

You keeping secrets from me?

No... IAN: Cheers.

VO: I think you've got away with that one... Back to the box.

This tells a whole story.

PAUL: Oh, it's...such a joy.

TL: And hopefully... ..it's not a story that's gonna cost us a fortune.

I fear.

I wouldn't get your hopes up.

I'll see what I can do.

Try some Irish eyes are smiling.

Come on.

VO: That's one more on the list.

How are the others faring?

Righty-ho, they're looking at some old tat over there.

What've you got for me?

NATASHA: Well I've spotted something that has good age... IAN: Yeah...?

NATASHA: But tat?

You could never apply the word tat to this, which I'm going to handle with extreme care.

That is... Is it not... IAN: What the heck is it?

NATASHA: ..exquisite?

NATASHA: I think it's a couple of ink stands.

IAN: Oh, ink stands.

NATASHA: In this seriously decorative glass stand.

Now, as you take them out, you're gonna spot the major problem with said item.

IAN: Yeah, the glass stand's taken a bit of a battering.

NATASHA: It has taken a bit of a battering.

Pretend you've never seen that huge crack in the middle and focus on the lizards!

This is absolutely classic Moser.

NATASHA: If I had to guess... IAN: Moser?

..who this was by I would say Moser.

So, a great name, a great maker of Bohemian glass.

IAN: Yeah.

VO: Founded in 1857 by Ludwig Moser in what is now modern day Czechia - check it out!

NATASHA: If this were in perfect condition, I don't think we could afford it.

IAN: Yes.

NATASHA: Alas, it has a humongous crack in it, and it's marked up at £80.

IAN: So you think it's worth a whirl?

NATASHA: I think it's worth a whirl because it's so, so glamorous.

I hope I don't live to regret this.

NATASHA: You won't.

IAN: We're going, OK?

NATASHA: You might, yeah.

IAN: Right.

NATASHA: Nothing is guaranteed.

IAN: Here comes the ink wells!

IAN: (CHUCKLES) VO: Off we go to the till, where Holly's the one you'll have to charm.

Best of luck, everyone.

IAN: Well, Holly, we've eventually decided on something.

Ah, you found something.

Great.

IAN: Uh...

I'd better give this to you so... Yeah, let me take it from you because I'm completely in love with this.

NATASHA: In love.

IAN: So I hear.

Right.

IAN: Two things.

HOLLY: Yes, mm-hm?

Number one, I like that little cat in there.

HOLLY: Mm-hm?

Yes.

IAN: That little modernist cat.

VO: £38 on that, remember.

Frankly it's overpriced.

But I'll accept that.

I'll accept that for the time being.

My esteemed colleague persuades me that I should like this.

IAN: However!

NATASHA: Yeah, we can all see...

So then you can see there's very serious damage to that.

There is some very serious damage.

IAN: So quite frankly, that's overpriced.

VO: I did say charm, Ian!

Right.

So I'm gonna offer you for the two - 75.

I would take 80.

I think that 80 is totally fair.

See, the trouble with you is you're a softie, you're a softie.

So are you, secretly!

Can I just say something to you?

HOLLY: Yes.

IAN: Something they say at home.

We know where you live.

VO: Steady on!

Well, you can come back any time and certainly purchase some more items.

Alright, alright, alright.

HOLLY: OK. NATASHA: Well done.

If I can find my money, we'll go with 80.

So I think we can safely say you did channel your inner hard man for sure.

VO: Not half!

But Holly doesn't scare easily.

So that's 50 on the ink stand and 30 on the cat.

Thank you very much, Holly.

Thanks!

VO: And 320 still in the kitty.

IAN: I remember, when my first child was born, being very nervous about driving with a newborn baby.

It's the same sort of feeling driving with the Moser.

NATASHA: You'll be a pro at this, then.

IAN: Precious cargo on board.

VO: Watch out for potholes.

Back inside, Tara Lynne and Paul haven't quite exhausted the place yet.

PAUL: So, what do you make of that?

Described here as an oriental vase.

What's your first impression of this beastie?

TL: Well, it's beautiful but what makes it oriental?

Let me just have a quick look... Yeah.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Just as I suspected, Watson!

What?

PAUL: I think this is Austrian and is 120 years old.

TL: (WHISPERS) Oh, shut up!

PAUL: I think it's a belle epoque piece.

Late 19th, early 20th century.

Interesting, I look at... You always look at the base.

Might...might answer all your questions.

Here we've just got this little pad there in that pale duck egg blue bisque.

Can you see anything on that?

It just looks like a piece of Blu Tack.

That's not there for no reason.

Oh, there!

It's marked but it's very faintly marked.

There's an ampersand.

There's initials there and it's something and something.

TL: I want a monocle.

Is there a monocle for sale?

PAUL: (LAUGHS) VO: I'm sure Paul will lend you his.

TL: (GASPS) Oh, I love that!

PAUL: D'you see it?

That's...

It's like looking into a little story all of its own.

PAUL: (CHUCKLES) And if we can identify that with a wee bit of research, they should add value with that.

VO: Currently it's £48.

PAUL: So, I'm picturing... TL: I think it's beautiful.

PAUL: ..Austria, 1900.

And you think it's beautiful, and that's working for me.

And, uh, if...if we set that back down, then I can go and find something else.

That's a strong look you've got there.

Ow.

Oh... Oh!

I don't get any better closer up.

Come on.

Oh, no, I... You could do some skin work there!

(CHUCKLES) VO: Time to focus on doing a deal, I think.

TL: Holly.

HOLLY: Hi there.

I'm actually quite nervous.

I haven't been nervous all day and now I'm getting nervous.

So what've you seen?

We have our eyes on a few things... HOLLY: OK. TL: ..but we'd like to...

There was one item that didn't have a price on it.

HOLLY: OK.

So it was the really, really big old box.

HOLLY: Ah, so that's a Bible box.

Um, we have 120 on that but we could do that for 100.

I think that's a very fair deal.

But... PAUL: ..keep your powder dry.

TL: What?

Do we not want to consider some other purchases?

TL: Ooh!

VO: Yes.

Remember your Wombles.

There was two little characters from a well known TV show... Oh!

OK. Up in the back unit up...?

TL: Yeah, the...you know, they were hanging out together.

HOLLY: Yeah, yeah.

I think they could be £20.

TL: Could you do it for 18?

HOLLY: Oh, go on, then.

TL: Go on!

So, there was a vase.

I think there was a price of 48 on it.

The best would be 40 on that one.

What do we reckon?

Watch the lips.

PAUL: (MOUTHS) Yeah.

TL: Yeah.

Yes.

OK. Well, there you go.

I'll just hand you all that money.

There you go.

Show's over.

We've spent all our money on one shop.

VO: Not quite, but still a hefty £158 in total.

HOLLY: Thank you very much.

TL: Thank you!

TL: What a wonderful place.

HOLLY: Thanks.

Are you going shopping again?

That's the exit.

TL: (SIGHS) Oh... OK. HOLLY: (LAUGHS) OK. PAUL: Thanks again.

HOLLY: Bye.

PAUL: Well, what d'you think of that then, eh?

VO: Now, out on the road, and hopefully with a better sense of direction, Ian and Natasha, mulling over their recent shopping experience.

NATASHA: You definitely played the hard man with our dealer.

And then it got me thinking, when you first started out in the acting profession, you can't have immediately been cast as the hard man, or were you?

What is probably fair to say is that, for whatever reason, I tended to be given authority characters, you know... (WHISPERS) Authority!

IAN: Characters with a little bit of gravitas.

I was usually a sergeant or a detective or something like that.

And if it was paramilitaries, I was usually, uh... ..the head of a cell, d'you know what I mean?

You had a little bit of authority, you know.

Goodie or baddie, you were in charge.

Yeah.

I supervise.

You do the hard job and I just do the supervising.

And d'you know, I've seen you in loads, I've seen you in plenty, but I confess I've never seen Game Of Thrones.

Yeah.

NATASHA: But I know that for so many actors, you go in, you get your time, and then you're killed off in some brutal way.

Did that happen to you?

Were you killed off brutally?

I...I was killed off brutally in a big fight.

The frustrating thing about that was I'm supposedly the finest swordsman in Westeros.

You never see me fight.

I live entirely on my reputation.

The first time you see me fight, they kill me!

What's that all about, you know?

That's just embarrassing.

Really.

VO: Time to get back in the antiques battle, I think.

The next port of call for Ian and Natasha, the Granite City, Aberdeen.

The third largest in Scotland, and possibly the luckiest, with nearly 50 millionaire lottery winners living here.

Let's hope some of that good fortune rubs off on our intrepid antiquers at the snappily named Frantiques.

NATASHA: It's not easy to get out of this car, is it?

IAN: No, it's not!

NATASHA: (CHUCKLES) You have to really pull yourself out!

IAN: Oh, well, there's a spaceman there.

NATASHA: After you please.

IAN: I wonder what they're charging for him.

VO: An astronomical amount, I'll wager.

Inside, there's a distinctly maritime feel to the place, but there's plenty of other hidden treasures to spend that remaining £320 on.

And putting the Fran into Frantiques, Fran, obviously.

IAN: Ah, Laurel and Hardy.

IAN: (CHUCKLES) NATASHA: Oh, big fan?

IAN: Oh, I love Laurel and Hardy.

I thought they were hilarious.

Well, there you go.

What's that, 69?

NATASHA: £69, yes.

IAN: Well, you know...

I mean, it's a real gamble because they're fun to me, but I don't know if there's a big kind of market for the likes of this.

Whereas these...

These definitely have a market value.

NATASHA: Oh, yes.

OK, I see.

I like your style.

NATASHA: Shall we take one each?

IAN: Yes, why not?

NATASHA: Feel the weight of them.

IAN: (GROANS) Oh!

NATASHA: Oh, they are... NATASHA: ..heavy.

IAN: ..fair weight.

A little door that opens, and you put your candle in there.

It's got some little decorative stuff on the doors... NATASHA: Yeah, a little bird.

IAN: ..flying through there and stuff.

I think we'll definitely go for these.

NATASHA: Oh, hold on.

You've used the word definitely without even thinking about price, Ian.

IAN: Is there a price given?

NATASHA: Who are you?

NATASHA: "Antique Chinese cast iron pagoda garden lanterns."

OK, so we hit all the key words there.

IAN: Except the price.

NATASHA: No price.

I mean, what would you be willing to pay?

Sub 40?

Yeah... Well, let's wait and see what the good lady herself says.

OK.

So we don't surprise ourselves too much.

How's your arm?

Mine's aching.

I think... Yeah, we'll put them back down again.

But that's definitely...

I think that's definitely a goer.

VO: Off to a promising start.

Meanwhile, out in the Aberdeenshire countryside, Tara Lynne and Paul find themselves in Insch, and a very nice wee place it is too, steeped in history as well.

That's the remains of the 13th century Dunnideer Castle overlooking the village.

And on the subject of old things, let's see if we can find some in Louis' Little Haven.

This is it!

Come on then.

Let's make our fortunes.

Fingers crossed.

VO: Housed in a former corner shop, this fine establishment boasts a sizable range of antiques, vintage goodies and other assorted curios.

Owner Mel is on hand should our pair feel the need to part with some of the remaining £242.

I need my monocle.

Paul, where's me monocle?

VO: He's keeping it to himself, only gets it out for special occasions.

Ooh...that's a fancy teapot.

PAUL: Spirit kettle and stand.

As in... (GHOSTLY) woo... ..spirits?

As in methylated.

VO: An easy mistake to make.

Not ghosts but flames, because that's a wee burner down there.

That's a wee meths burner, and that will keep your fluids hot, yeah?

What fluids though?

For goodness' sake!

Tea!

It's a kettle.

Tea?

Oh, right, OK!

Look, when you said spirits, I went down a whole different...

I went from ghosts to gin.

That's where I went.

Well, that's very fancy, isn't it?

It's definitely fancy.

Victorian.

Now, in truth, this is so richly decorated, it's not to today's taste.

Or as my mam would say, "Very gaudy.

It's very gaudy."

I mean, if you brought that on to the table, people would be like, "OK, she's showing off."

We'll leave that for somebody else.

VO: Not their cup of tea, you might say.

Back to Aberdeen now, and having already clocked a pair of Chinese lanterns, Ian's definitely taking charge of the search.

IAN: These are rather unusual looking things.

I mean, looking at them you think, what the heck are they?

I love anything to do with shop displays.

These sort of stands, which would have had really anything on them.

I mean, something like this one... IAN: Yeah.

..they're all telescopic, so they all adjust.

So something like this, how high does it go?

NATASHA: To about there.

IAN: Yeah.

That could've had ladies' shawls draped over it.

It could've had a pair of gloves, long opera gloves, draped over it.

IAN: Yeah.

Even belts, anything at all that would go over the T shape.

IAN: Yeah.

No maker on the base of this one, but I do love that shape.

Yeah.

And these, I think quite specifically are probably for hats.

IAN: Right.

NATASHA: And, of course, no one was going anywhere without their hats in the late 19th, early 20th century and before.

Oh, does yours have a maker on the bottom?

IAN: The name on this is Harris & Sheldon.

And here as well, on that nice stepped base, which is just a lovely base.

IAN: Yeah.

NATASHA: Again, adjustable.

IAN: I mean, who are the likely buyers for something like this?

NATASHA: Dealers.

I would say... IAN: Dealers, yeah.

..antiques dealers who are using these, again, for their original intended purpose, for display, but they're then also selling them on.

VO: The hatstands are ticketed at 30 and £35, while the T-bar is 22.

It is a bit, it's a bit much.

We're gonna have to do some serious haggling.

Serious haggling.

But, I mean, we have seen you do that already.

IAN: Off we go.

Right.

NATASHA: Let's do it.

VO: Brace yourself, Fran, they're heading your way.

IAN: Well, Fran, we've spent a long time deliberating over there, and we think we've arrived at a conclusion.

We're interested in the Chinese lanterns, the two of them, the cast iron ones.

What price are you asking for on those?

I could do both for £40 for the two.

IAN: £40?

FRAN: Yep.

Now, we've looked at these over here, and we've decided that two of them are the same... FRAN: Uh-huh.

..and yet they're priced at 30 and 35.

Is that just a mistake?

FRAN: Up and down.

NATASHA: Ah... ..see what she did.

Oh, Fran.

FRAN: That's up and down.

Oh, Fran.

It's too good, it's too good.

And then the little one's 22.

What sort of movement are we likely to get?

Hmm.

I could do the two lanterns and the three hat stands for 90.

NATASHA: Oh... IAN: What d'you think, partner?

NATASHA: It's a great discount.

I wonder if taking that... ..just erroneous five from the two identical hat stands?

I'm sure we could.

Oh, shall we shake on 85?

I think that's a shake on it.

You're very good.

Thank you very much.

That's really kind of you.

Fran, we're grateful and we know that we're really cheeky, so we're sorry, but thank you very much.

I'm not sorry at all.

You're not sor... Oh, sorry!

VO: Loves a bargain, does our Ian.

IAN: Thank you.

FRAN: Thank you very much.

VO: 30 for the lanterns and 55 for the display stands.

You grab the hat stands, I'll grab the lanterns.

They're heavy!

Oh, listen, I've been working out!

Oh, right, very good, very good.

I'll not argue.

Thank you very much.

NATASHA: Thanks, Fran!

VO: And £235 still in their kitty.

Back to the shop on the corner, where the search continues.

What about her with the big hand?

Who's the her in the... group of men?

(LAUGHS) I just thought they had giant hands.

PAUL: Apart from the freakish big hands, what's drawn you to that picture?

TL: Just their faces.

I mean, I think that's what always draws me.

Like, when I write, a lot of the writing... ..comes from a photograph, the inspiration comes from... PAUL: Aye... TL: ..a photograph.

And the faces and the stories they're trying to tell.

I mean, it wants to portray a 17th century tavern scene.

And you've got gentlemen, with a guy looking at you, he's got the goblet.

You have a daydreamer, smoking.

But the two mischievous dudes, one behind and one to the left.

I dunno, is there a pickpocket in there, I wonder?

TL: Yeah.

And look at him smiling, it's his face.

Yeah.

And staring right at you as well.

TL: I love it.

PAUL: I'd like... Oh!

We're of one mind.

A decorative thing, harking back to...

I mean, we would love it to be an old master, and from a hundred paces, it could be something impressive.

If you have a big period residence... TL: Yeah.

PAUL: ..you ain't... You get a big painting like that.

Absolutely.

I'll tell you what, it's... TL: It's smiling.

PAUL: ..a good looking lump.

I like it.

And the frame's good to go.

you wanna take a punt?

TL: Yeah.

PAUL: Yeah?

TL: ..get a good price.

PAUL: The price is what we need.

TL: OK. Let's go.

PAUL: Let's go and ask.

Party on.

VO: Time to see if there's a deal to be done.

TL: Hi, Mel.

MEL: Hello.

How are yous?

TL: I have one question... MEL: Yeah?

..about the picture of the...women with the large hands, or men with normal size hands.

Yeah?

There's no price on it.

Um, we've actually had that one for a wee while, so we could probably do it for £70 for you.

I think there's a story in there... PAUL: I... TL: Mel... ..don't think you haggle at that price.

TL: No.

PAUL: I mean, yeah.

MEL: That's OK?

PAUL: What can you say?

TL: Mel, slow down.

MEL: Shall we shake hands?

Keep that, wasn't that 70?

Don't change your mind!

Don't change your mind.

VO: Well, that was easy.

£70 paid, 172 still in the pot.

MEL: Shake hands?

TL: Shake hands.

Thank you.

PAUL & MEL: Thank you very much.

(RINGS BELL) We've got to discuss your negotiating technique... How's it gonna fit in the car?

PAUL: (GIGGLES) VO: You've got to get it out of the shop first.

PAUL: To me... TL: To you... (LAUGHS) PAUL: To me... TL: Come on, ladies, with your big hands...

This isn't an accident waiting to happen, is it?

VO: After that flurry of activity, time to point the MG towards bed.

IAN: I have to say, I love this wee car.

It's really nice.

It drives very easily.

I would love to be, you know, on an open road and just bombing away on this thing.

There's a nice smell of petrol off her, isn't there, as well?

TL: (SNIFFS) Mm!

IAN: Yeah, yeah.

VO: Uh, yeah, we'd better get that looked at.

Nighty night!

VO: Another Aberdeenshire morning, and the craic in the car is that Tara Lynne is behind the wheel.

How are you feeling being a passenger, Ian?

Uh, OK, cuz we're driving at a very genteel pace so I'm quite relaxed about that.

Cuz you know I normally drive like this and talk to you like that.

VO: Eyes on the road, please.

Now, are we feeling like proper antique hunters yet?

IAN: Yesterday was lovely, but it was a long day.

But that's cuz it's exhausting work, isn't it?

You're looking round the shop and you're saying, "I might like that, but I don't think that will turn around in the auction."

It's just the fear of the big loss, I think.

Well, I haven't spent enough for there to be a big loss.

(GASPS) Oh, you're thrifty!

VO: Oh, he is.

Yesterday, Ian parted with a mere £165 but still managed to bag four items.

I hope I don't live to regret this.

NATASHA: You won't.

IAN: We're going, OK?

You might.

VO: Meanwhile, Tara spent about that much just in one shop, 228 in total on her four purchases.

I think we're doing this.

TL: Lead the way, boys.

PAUL: (TITTERS) VO: But right now there are more pressing issues.

So all the cows are lying down.

TL: Mm-hm?

Now the story is, when they're lying down, it's a sign that the rain is about to come.

Have you ever heard that?

No, but thanks for that, Ian.

If you look at the sky right now... TL: It looks... PAUL: There's just a chance... ..it could bucket.

VO: Which is just what you want when you're about to park up in a field and look in the boot.

TL: I'm too nosy so I'm gonna be the first one to open.

Ooh!

I've noticed something straight away.

TL: What?

IAN: What've you noticed?

Their vase is mounted with a lizard!

IAN: Yes!

NATASHA: We have lizards!

It's the battle of the lizards.

IAN: I actually prefer ours.

I just wish to God it wasn't damaged.

NATASHA: Yes, it's... PAUL: Oh, damaged?

It's so broken, ours.

It's really...

It's smashed.

NATASHA: Don't look.

IAN: It's a shame.

IAN: We were very delicate in the morning, you know, we got this, and we got this lovely little... NATASHA: Oh, the cat!

TL: I like your little cat now.

Then we went a bit chunkier in the afternoon.

NATASHA: We did.

IAN: We got these beasts here.

I'm rather excited by those.

I actually...I think I'd rather like those at home.

Ian, I can't believe you haven't even noticed my other beasts.

IAN: Your Wombles?

NATASHA: The Wombles.

TL & PAUL: (LAUGH) What was the inspiration there?

Their wee faces, just their wee faces.

IAN: This box.

It's funny, I actually saw this in the shop yesterday... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

..and I kind of went, "Well, what's the big deal with that?"

Sitting here, it actually does look very good, and I'm feeling a little bit envious now of that.

TL: We spent lots of money.

NATASHA: Did you?

Yeah.

Yeah, you were very extravagant.

We're a...we're a couple of cheapskates, we are.

We do need to be a little bit extravagant... IAN: Oh!

NATASHA: (SHRIEKS) VO: Oh my word!

I didn't know it was going to do that, I didn't know... PAUL: (GUFFAWS) TL: We're safe!

It hasn't damaged anything.

My God.

Right, let's get in the car and go.

Quick!

VO: Call it quits while everything's intact, right?

There's more shopping to do before heading to auction south of the border in Bolton.

But first, they're off for some Caledonian culture in the village of Aboyne.

The tartan, the bagpipes...the rain, nothing encapsulates the culture and heritage of Scotland quite like the traditional Highland Games.

Taking place in towns across the country, these annual events attract crowds of thousands in a celebration of all things Scottish.

The one our gang have come along to might not be the biggest or the oldest, but Aboyne has played a role in shaping the look of the modern games.

NATASHA: Right!

IAN: Right, here we are.

Look at this, the sights, the sounds.

IAN: Wow!

NATASHA: Wait till you see what we've got in store for you, Ian!

(LAUGHS) VO: The first reference to the games was during the reign of Malcolm III in the 11th century.

He organized a foot race to find the fastest man in Scotland to be his royal messenger.

Over the centuries, other contests of strength and speed became part of the games, and Ian and Natasha are meeting games convenor Murray Brown to learn about the most iconic of the Highland events, tossing the caber.

CROWD: (CHEERS) You know, this is the first time I've ever been at a Highland Games.

I see the famous caber tossing going on.

When did it start, how and why?

They used a caber probably as an instrument to break down a castle door or something.

IAN: Ah, right.

MURRAY: So... A battering ram of sorts?

Yes, exactly.

Finding a good, strong Highlander.

IAN: So it was a form of in-house training, if you like?

Keeping people fit, ready for battle, and also finding out who the best warriors are likely to be?

MURRAY: That's right.

NATASHA: (CHUCKLES) IAN: And today you're going to try and find out if I'm any use as a warrior?

Absolutely.

I'll tell you, you're out of luck.

MURRAY: (LAUGHS) VO: Ha-ha!

But if all that Scots machismo is too much, there are more refined and artistic endeavors on offer, and it's in the Highland dance events that the town made its mark on the games.

Tara Lynne and Paul are meeting games secretary Morag McBeath and dance competitor Rachel to learn Aboyne's sartorial claim to fame.

So, this is the dress.

How long has this been around?

It's called the Aboyne dress.

This was invented in 1952.

Back then, the ladies would wear an actual kilt, so it wasn't very feminine for women.

So one of our committee members designed the Aboyne dress to make it more feminine.

And is this one an original?

MORAG: This is the original.

One of the originals, yeah.

And how far has it traveled?

It's gone internationally.

So they wear it everywhere, and if you refer to the Aboyne dress, everybody knows what you're talking about.

PAUL: Oh, my.

That is wonderful, isn't it?

And there must be tremendous pride in that.

Definitely.

I like them because they're very bright and nice and light to wear as well.

The kilts can be quite heavy, so these are, like, really nice to wear.

They swing better as well... RACHEL: Yeah, they do.

TL: And still below the knee, keeping it respectful.

MORAG: Yeah.

RACHEL: Yes!

TL & PAUL: (LAUGH) I just think I've heard an announcement.

It's the over 47s' dance!

Beginners...

I'm off.

TL: Thank you, Morag.

PAUL: Good luck!

TL: Good luck, Rachel.

MORAG: Bye.

Bye!

VO: But it hasn't always been fun and games.

Following the Scots' defeat at the Battle of Culloden in 1746, traditional Highland dress was brutally suppressed and large gatherings were banned.

But a Scottish cultural revival in the 19th century saw the games return, with noted Scotophile Queen Victoria attending the Braemar Gathering in 1838.

TL: Good afternoon, folks.

NATASHA: Oh, hello!

IAN: Oh, hello.

Hey.

Are you coming to toss the caber?

We have other priorities, I think.

Closest I'm getting to a caber looks like that.

You sit there and eat food whilst we go and work.

IAN: OK, Murray?

Off we go.

TL: Good luck, Ian!

NATASHA: We're gonna put on a great show.

IAN: Thank you, I'm gonna need it, I tell you!

VO: Now, the aim is to flip the caber end over end.

The highest scores go to those who can land it straight ahead in the 12 o'clock position.

Seems simple enough.

The technique, however, is another matter.

NATASHA: Hello!

IAN: Hello there.

JAMES: Hello.

How's it going?

NATASHA: You must be James.

JAMES: I am James, yeah.

IAN: I want her having a go.

OK, so we'd best both learn this technique then.

We've got a nice sized caber, I'm sure both of yous can do.

So what we do is interlock our fingers.

IAN: Yeah.

Squeeze the caber with our palms.

We've gotta get down as low as we can.

Quick flick up... Now that's the hard bit.

JAMES: Hands underneath.

That's the hard piece... ..and then once you've got a balance, you can run.

IAN: Run...and then toss.

NATASHA: Oh, come on...

Sorry, that's 12 o'clock!

IAN: Nah, it's 11.59.

NATASHA: Are you feeling up to it?

Oh, I'll give it a go, why not?

The whole crowd is watching, Ian.

JAMES: They'll cheer you on... IAN: (CHUCKLES) VO: Well some of them will, I'm sure.

See, we're keeping it traditional.

The traditional Highland hot dog.

Should we toss it?

VO: Let's see how Belfast's finest gets on.

VO: Come on, Ian.

IAN: Under... Oh, my goodness, he's only gone and done it!

He's done it first time.

Run, run, run, run, run... and toss!

JAMES: Oh, yes!

NATASHA: Woo!

VO: A valiant effort, sir.

Now, Tash's turn.

NATASHA: Oh!

IAN: Yes, you're there.

NATASHA: OK?

Here we go.

JAMES: Go for it, wee bit of... JAMES: Oh, yeah!

NATASHA: (EXCLAIMS) Aah!

VO: Hooray!

I think we have a winner.

11.55!

And that's better than two.

That was such a buzz!

I hope that all the handsome, strong men were watching!

James, you were fantastic, what a teacher.

And thank you so much.

For your first attempt, yous both did very well, so... IAN: Thank you, James.

NATASHA: Thank you!

JAMES: No problem at all.

VO: Today, thanks to the Scottish diaspora, Highland games take place worldwide, from Caledonia to California.

They've become an enduring symbol of community identity and Scottish heritage.

VO: Now, sneaking out early to steal a march on the competition, Tara Lynne and Paul are on the move again.

I've loved it, I have to say.

Just going into the shops, meeting people, meeting yourself, all that has been amazing.

How is Ian finding it?

Do you know?

TL: I think he's loving it.

PAUL: But competitive... Oh, he's so competitive.

PAUL: Really?

TL: Yeah.

So it's gonna be about numbers, he's in it to win it?

He's playing it down.

He's kind of gone, "Oh, I don't know.

"I don't think...well, we haven't spent much money."

He's an actor.

PAUL: Speaking of acting, was this something you always wanted to do?

Once I did my first kind of...like, tiny part onstage in school, that was me.

PAUL: Can I ask... TL: Go.

PAUL: What sort of age would you have been in the time Derry Girls portrays?

I would have been the age of the girls, so every... Oh, right!

Every song that's played in the series, I know where I was, um, who I was snogging.

And is your character, is Mary anyone in particular?

The look was definitely based on me mam.

You know, I'd take in a few photographs.

And those bad jumpers were everybody's mam.

Like, the '90s was not a good look for women.

It was not.

VO: These two are currently beetling towards Ballater, and their final shop of the trip.

This lovely village has been a regular haunt of the Royal Family since Queen Victoria's time, with Balmoral being a mere seven miles away.

The spring water here was also said to cure scrofula.

A good thing, I'm sure.

And for our mates in the MG, popping into Bruce of Ballater is sure to be a tonic.

(HORN BEEPS) (LAUGHS) I like how I beep the horn every time I get out!

PAUL: What an entrance.

"We're here, folks."

I'm feeling lucky, let's go.

VO: Deceptively small on the outside, this former picture house goes back a long, long way, or, as Mr Laidlaw would describe it... PAUL: It's a runway of antiques!

TL: (LAUGHS) VO: Quite.

A wondrous collection of objects old and not so old, for them to pore over.

And when they're about to part with some of their remaining £172, owner George is on hand for a haggle.

There's bound to be a market for that.

Very specialist market for that.

Find me an antique!

Not the one you're thinking about.

VO: Easy now!

Better start taking this seriously cuz you won't have the place to yourselves for long.

TL: Oil cans.

Depends on the make?

(WHISPERS) Och, this is a good one.

VO: I think he's on to something.

PAUL: That's a standard fuel can.

TL: Yeah.

That's Shell.

PAUL: In production... ..throughout a good part of the 20th century.

PAUL: That's a shell... TL: With wings.

PAUL: Aviation spirit.

That's what you put in your biplane.

So, common or garden...

Fancy pantsy.

Cool, innit?

If you know, you know.

PAUL: Sadly...he knows.

TL: He knows.

VO: At £75, I think that's definitely not going to fly.

Now, just outside...

Right.

Here we go.

This is our last stop, you know.

Yeah, let's get in before there's any more rain.

Yeah, the weather's dreadful!

VO: Enough to make your hair curl, eh Tash?

A healthy £235 still in Ian's pocket, and quite a lot in here that the other two haven't picked over.

Aha ha ha.

NATASHA: Oh, what's making you aha?

Bagatelle.

NATASHA: Oh, bagatelle!

IAN: I had a board like this when I was a kid!

NATASHA: Did you?!

IAN: Yeah.

As bagatelle boards go, that is a nice looking one.

Isn't it?

And you can't resist, go on.

IAN: I've gotta go... NATASHA: Right.

Don't read too much into it if we don't score anything.

NATASHA: Oh no, we got...!

IAN: Hey!

500.

NATASHA: Are you kidding?!

500 points.

You actually had one like this?

I had one not dissimilar, not exactly identical to that.

But I had a bagatelle board as a kid.

Used to love playing it, actually.

Nostalgia would tempt you into buying that.

Well, hold on a second.

Is it tempting you into buying it?

IAN: 95.

This is a really nice shop.

There may be other things to look at, so, uh, we'll put that on hold for the moment.

NATASHA: Put it on hold.

IAN: Yeah.

We're just gonna leave that right there so that when Paul and Tara Lynne walk past...

They'll see that we scored 500!

We mean business!

500 points.

VO: That'll put the wind up 'em.

(SOFTLY) What's....that?

What's that?

That's an antique, and an antique the likes of which I have not seen...before!

I thought it was a magazine rack!

It's not a cradle?

Concertina action, folding, rocking cradle.

TL: Oh, that is beautiful!

PAUL: Is that not lovely?

That's a late Victorian piece.

At a push, it could be early 20th century, but in truth I think that's late 19th.

There's a 130 year old.

TL: That is so gorgeous.

I didn't know something like this existed.

PAUL: No, I'll be honest with you, nor I. I've not seen one like it.

This is a first for me.

I mean, it failed the risk assessment straight away.

I...I was just about to say, d'you know.

Your wee, tiny fingers in there aren't gonna survive that.

Small home... Maybe too much room full size, but I do that, stick my teddy bears and my dolls in it.

cuz I'm known for my teddy bears and my dolls.

TL: (CHORTLES) VO: No judgment from us, Paul.

PAUL: For my money, that's utterly charming.

TL: Oh, now... PAUL: What's it saying?

(WHISPERS) It's saying 65.

(WHISPERS) It's not crazy money, is it?

(SOFTLY) No, but I could get it for 40.

TL: See, I'm getting cocky now.

PAUL: I believe you.

I'm getting very confident now, look at me, "I'll get it for 40."

I'll do one of those, "Look over there, give me it for 40."

D'you know, so he's looking over there and then gives it for 40.

I think it's called misdirection, in magic.

PAUL: (LAUGHS) But in my world, it's just, "scare him."

VO: Let's head to the counter then and see if that strategy works.

TL: George.

Hello... GEORGE: Ah!

GEORGE: Yes, hello Tara.

TL: Your shop is amazing.

Thank you so much.

I do wanna purchase something.

GEORGE: Ah!

TL: It's the lovely, um, concertina... GEORGE: The child's cradle?

Every home should have one.

Every home should have one and a health and safety certificate.

GEORGE: Yep, yep.

TL: Yes.

Um, it says... it says 65 on it though.

65?

Oh, that could be... What's the best you could do?

Go on, go on.

Go on... For a Derry Girl, it could be £40.

D'you know what?

I'm not even gonna haggle with you.

I think that's an amazing deal.

GEORGE: We've got a deal?

TL: We have a deal.

VO: And no misdirection required.

132 left unspent.

Let me shake your hand.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

(RINGS BELL) Sold.

That'll gee me up!

VO: She just can't help herself, can she?

Thank you.

VO: For the other two, the search continues.

Something will jump out at us, you know.

It will.

Yeah, I guess it will.

And it will be a sensation.

Oh, now tell me... That sort of jumps out.

It looks actually like it's got a raised kind of relief to it.

You're exactly right.

Why don't I bring it closer to us?

NATASHA: Because... IAN: OK. Can you reach it?

..it deserves close inspection.

So what it is, it would be described as a tinsel print, tinsel portrait, which was a really popular type of picture.

In fact, it was more like a kind of hobby craft in the early to mid Victorian period.

So, we know that Nelson died in 1805, the... IAN: Yeah.

NATASHA: ..Battle of Trafalgar.

NATASHA: So there he is, resplendent in his dress.

Yeah.

But he's quite literally gleaming, because his epaulettes and the banding on his hat, and his cap badge here, and even the hilt of his sword, they're actually foil, little... IAN: Yeah.

NATASHA: ..foil appliqué.

It certainly catches the light.

NATASHA: I know exactly what it is, I don't know exactly when.

I think probably around 1840s, but I'm not sure if this is the kind of thing that people bought when they were out and about, and then they finish it off at home.

I think this might've been almost like a kit... IAN: Really?

..that you applied the little foil parts yourself.

VO: Spot on, Tash.

Popular subjects included actors in classical or Shakespearean roles, and also Napoleon, the arch nemesis of our hero.

It just makes it an interesting piece of social history, that... And it just is a real peep into nearly 200 years ago, how people were entertaining themselves in the home.

IAN: So your feeling is this is a bit special?

NATASHA: I think it is a bit special.

When the hammer goes down at 30 and you say, "Well, thanks very much," I'll be apologizing profusely.

But I just think that something like this will stand out in the auction.

This is so up Paul Laidlaw's street that I'm surprised he didn't clock it.

So we should grab it while we can.

And, d'you know what, I want to impress those two, because this morning they weren't very impressed.

They don't need to be impressed.

They just need to be beaten, pure and simple.

OK... VO: Ian's definitely here for the win.

Better have a chat with George.

NATASHA: George, hi.

GEORGE: Ah, Tasha.

NATASHA: How are you?

GEORGE: How are you?

Good.

George, this is a fantastic shop.

Thank you so much.

IAN: You've got so many great things.

This is beautiful, I gather.

I gather it's rather special.

Your associate has a very educated eye.

That is a very rare and special piece.

Very good.

Well, in that case... ..George, what're you...what're you thinking?

GEORGE: Let me have a... What have I got on it?

I've got 120 on it...

I would really hope to have £100 for it.

You'd need £100.

What do you think?

It's not about what I think, it's about what you think.

And also I think that's a good deal.

IAN: I'm a softie at heart, so I'll give you a hundred.

VO: Deal done.

135 still in hand.

GEORGE: Thank you so much.

VO: And that's us all shopped up.

Final item, hey.

Final item.

We're all done.

Thank you very much.

No, thank you.

I hope to goodness that between us we've managed to do something meaningful.

All will be revealed in due course.

VO: Indeed.

Very soon, in fact.

Wait till we get to the auction, and then the real competition begins.

Uh, yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah.

I mean, it'll be daggers drawn then.

Even though personally I feel we might have bought quite a lot of tat.

But isn't that the joy?

VO: You never know, auctions can be full of surprises.

But first, shut eye.

VO: By gum, we're in Bolton, a boom town in the 19th century when cotton was king.

And we're hoping for big things at the Bolton Auction Rooms.

Bids on the books, punters online and in the room as well, all overseen by the one and only Harry Howcroft.

75... VO: After picking out some fine things all across Aberdeenshire, our Derry girl and fella have headed over the border and into Lancashire.

IAN: Oh ho, here we are at last!

PAUL: (LAUGHS) NATASHA: Hello.

Talking of nefarious characters... IAN: Oh, lovely to see you again.

PAUL: You're well dressed... NATASHA: How are you?

IAN: Hey, Paul, nice to see you.

Now, let's get in before we get soaked yet again.

IAN: Come on!

TL: Let's go... IAN: We got soaked so many times!

VO: They definitely brought the weather with them.

Ian laid out £265 on his five auction lots.

Are any of them a hit with Harry?

HARRY: The Moser-style glass ink set, really, really nice.

Lovely thing.

Shame about the damage.

It will affect its value very, very much.

VO: Tara Lynne shelled out a wee bit more, £268 on her five lots.

Thoughts, Harry?

The late 18th century desk box.

It's quite nice, good order for its age.

We do have some commission bids on this one.

I think it should do quite well in our auction.

VO: Well, there's only one way to find out.

Time to take our seats, I think.

Have you been to an auction before?

TL: I have, but I'm really nervous.

I have to admit, I'm pretty nervous.

My expert here has hopefully pointed me in the right direction.

Are you already placing the blame on me?

IAN: I'm passing the buck.

NATASHA: That's shocking.

VO: Well, the first one up was all you, Ian, the bronze pussycat.

22 bid only.

22.

24.

26.

28.

PAUL: Nearly there.

HARRY: Five bid.

£30 bid.

35 bid.

At £40 bid.

NATASHA: We're in the profit.

HARRY: 45 bid.

IAN: 50, 50?

HARRY: I've got 50 already.

NATASHA: What a spot!

IAN: That's brilliant.

What a spot.

55 in the room, gent's bid.

Oh, a bit of competition in the room.

IAN: In the room, in the room.

NATASHA: Ooh!

HARRY: At 55.

60.

Five.

NATASHA: Excellent taste.

HARRY: Gent's bid in the room.

At £65 bid.

IAN: Yeah, keep going!

HARRY: 70 bid.

Five is it?

We're online at £70 bid.

£75...?

Brilliant.

That is brilliant.

VO: He definitely looks like the cat who got the cream.

I would say hang on to that feeling.

IAN: Yes.

NATASHA: Cuz it might not last.

VO: First under the hammer for Tara Lynne is that very big and very old Bible box.

At £80 bid.

Five is it?

At £80, but I'll take five.

NATASHA: Keep going, keep going.

HARRY: At £80.

We're all done.

NATASHA: No, no, no, no.

HARRY: £80... That's too cheap.

(GROANS) Oooh... That's not fair.

NATASHA: She felt it.

That's the only noise I could make.

VO: Perhaps the bidders prefer matching hinges.

NATASHA: You OK?

I'm traumatized.

VO: Next up, Ian's inkstand, with a few condition issues, as recommended by his expert.

It felt right at the time, Ian.

It felt right.

We're online at £100 bid.

Any more?

Go on.

At £100 bid.

I'll take 10 anywhere.

NATASHA: Oh, oh, oh.

HARRY: I've got 110.

Lady's bid in the room.

Oh, well done!

There's 120.

130.

130 bid.

At 130.

HARRY: Bid's in the room.

NATASHA: Fantastic.

HARRY: At 130.

140.

150.

NATASHA: Oh, it's climbing!

HARRY: I've got 140 bid.

At £140 bid.

At £140.

Oh, fantastic.

HARRY: Last call, then we're done.

140... NATASHA: Hey!

TL: Woo!

IAN: Yay!

VO: Your reputation is intact, Tash, unlike the ink stand.

I'll always buy broken glass from now on.

TL: We have created a monster.

VO: Time for Tara's colorful, cuddly characters.

The original upcyclers, of course.

All I know is if we double the money, I'll sing the song.

Well, I've got 14 online now.

At 14.

16.

18 bid.

IAN: You've made your money... NATASHA: Yes.

22 then.

24.

I'll sing the song, c'mon!

£30 bid.

£30 bid, I'll take... IAN: Yay!

NATASHA: Go on, go on, go on.

You've nearly doubled your money.

HARRY: ..five.

NATASHA: How good is that?

At £30, but I'll take five anywhere.

NATASHA: Oh, don't stop!

HARRY: At £30.

Five is it?

HARRY: Just in time.

At £35 bid.

IAN: Hey!

£40 bid now.

Yes.

More than double your money!

At £40 For the last time.

At £40... PAUL: Yes!

IAN: Brilliant, brilliant.

Well done.

I know it's not antique, but I love them.

VO: Your first profit, Tara.

They certainly cleaned up.

And what was it?

If they doubled up at least, you'd sing?

TL: Yeah.

NATASHA: Right.

..you're committed now, you know?

But, like, minus commission and all that.

VO: Another of Ian's, that hefty pair of lanterns.

Bit of a workout for the porter there.

I worry that they're too... kind of ten a penny.

Too garden center?

TL: (GASPS) Sorry.

Who said that?

I mean, how dare you?

Who said that?

45 bid now.

NATASHA: Oh 45... IAN: We're already in profit.

45.

We're online.

At £45 bid.

50 bid.

£50 bid.

Five anywhere?

I can't believe it.

We're in profit again!

At 55 bid.

60 anywhere?

Are they really going for that much?!

They were so rusty.

At £60 bid, at £60 bid.

Five bid.

Beat the internet, please, please!

70 is it?

At £65 bid.

70 anywhere else?

I don't believe this!

I absolutely don't believe it either.

70 bid, just in time.

TL: Oh!

IAN: ..my God.

At £70 bid.

At £75 bid.

I'll take 80.

Then at £75... TL: Woo!

NATASHA: Nice, nice.

VO: From a very exclusive garden center, obviously.

TL: High five.

IAN: High five.

Oh alright then, don't.

VO: Tara and Paul's belle epoque vase.

Another lucky lizard?

I can go straight in, we go... We've got £30 bid.

At £30 bid.

PAUL: Right then.

NATASHA: It is fabulous.

PAUL: It's fabulous.

NATASHA: It's fabulous.

At £30 bid, I'll take five.

At 35 bid.

I'll take 40 bid.

£40 bid.

At 40 now.

45 bid.

Oh, there you go, you're in profit.

It's creeping like a wee lizard.

45 bid.

50 bid, five anywhere?

Oh, too slow, too slow... At £50 bid, I'll take five.

NATASHA: Oh, keep creeping... IAN: Yeah.

At 50, only bid.

We're online at £50.

NATASHA: Oh, come on.

HARRY: Last call then.

IAN: Come on.

HARRY: At £50... Oh, yous missed a cracker!

VO: Still a profit, Tara.

Lizards are obviously in this year.

A slight raise of the hand...

Probably bid on something.

VO: Next up, a trio of shop window display stands.

Confident, Ian?

But a lot of people will look at them and say, "What's the purpose of these?

I don't know what they're for."

A bit niche.

Very interesting lot.

£35 bid.

40 bid in the room.

40 in the room.

Yeah, that's alright, that's alright.

HARRY: £40.

NATASHA: Don't miss them.

IAN: These are a bit special.

HARRY: 45 bid.

Honestly, you don't see these every day.

You really don't.

Oh, I think that's it... Come on, come on, come on, come on.

HARRY: At five.

50.

IAN: Ooh!

NATASHA: Hold on.

HARRY: Five.

60.

NATASHA: Yes, we did it!

IAN: Ha!

HARRY: In at 60.

65 online now.

At 65.

Do you go 70?

At 65... TL: Woo!

PAUL: No problem.

NATASHA: Nice.

IAN: Well done, you.

VO: Hats off to you, sir.

A clean sweep of profits for them so far.

NATASHA: I love them.

PAUL: Yeah... You never see them, do you?

Oh, look at you.

Five minutes ago, it was all "I don't know."

I've always...I've always loved them.

I've always loved them.

VO: Tara and Paul's expanding crib now, ideal for babies of any length.

HARRY: £30 bid.

£30 bid.

TL: Come on.

PAUL: That's a big leap... IAN: It's going up.

PAUL: Come on!

IAN: Look at that.

NATASHA: Go on.

HARRY: At 30 only bid.

Is there five anywhere else?

If you don't like your children, buy it.

I've got 35 bid online now.

PAUL: Do it again!

Fingers are over-rated!

All done at 35.

The gavel's up then, £35... PAUL: Close... Close!

TL: Ah...well.

VO: What a shame.

Lovely thing, despite health and safety concerns.

TL: Yeah... IAN: Right, what's left now?

OK, move on then, Ian!

NATASHA: Let them grieve.

Let them grieve, Ian!

VO: He's just excited because it's their last lot and it's no half Nelson!

I'm hopeful that it will at least get close to holding its value.

I hope so.

I've got bids online at £130 bid.

At 130 now.

VO: I think it held its value, Ian.

IAN: This is unreal.

PAUL: (LAUGHS) HARRY: At 130, I'll take 140.

NATASHA: Oh, I'm so shocked.

HARRY: At 140.

150 bid.

160.

170 in the room.

IAN: This is ridiculous!

HARRY: ..in the room now.

NATASHA: Yes!

IAN: In the room?!

NATASHA: Oh, in the room?

Hello!

Hello!

VO: They're all keen.

I've got 180.

190 in the room.

Fantastic!

I've got £200 bid.

Two hun... heh.

220 in the room.

240.

260.

280.

300.

£300 bid's in the room.

Gent's bid.

320.

340.

NATASHA: Wow... Ian.

HARRY: 340 in the room.

That is unreal!

360.

380.

They're flying!

At 300.

£400 bid online.

At £400 bid.

I'll go 20?

£400 bid.

IAN: Good grief.

NATASHA: Wow.

At £400 bid.

Are we all done and finished?

I don't know what to say.

Last call then, the gavel's up at £400...

AUDIENCE MEMBER: (WHOOPS) IAN: Way!

VO: And like Nelson's flagship, that was a victory!

Well done indeed.

Gimme a hug.

NATASHA: We did alright.

PAUL: (LAUGHS) IAN: That was brilliant!

NATASHA: We did alright!

VO: Tara and Paul's painting is our final offering.

They can still win this if it turns out to be a genuine Old Master.

I've got £70 bid.

OK. OK. That's the start, eh?

Straight in.

At £70 bid.

Is there five anywhere else?

TL: Ooh!

HARRY: At £70 bid, I will take.

Look at the size of their hands!

You'll never see characters with bigger hands!

At £70, are we all done and finished... Aw!

VO: It was not to be.

Deserves a big hand nevertheless.

NATASHA: That's it.

IAN & TL: Yeah.

Well, I'll tell you what, it must be close.

(WHISPERS) So close.

That's the funniest joke of the day.

Shall we...shall we go out?

We should get the final numbers.

Yeah, let's go out and count it up... VO: Good idea.

Just to be sure.

A valiant effort from Team Tara Lynne, But with auction fees deducted, they made a wee bit of a loss, ending up with £357.50.

But what a result for Ian and his chum!

With saleroom fees considered, his final total was a whopping £754 and 10p, and the impressive profit from that goes to Children In Need.

Well done.

TL: The walk of shame... That was unbelievable.

NATASHA: That is the correct word.

I don't quite believe it.

Did you enjoy it?

Amazing.

IAN: Been a pleasure... Natasha.

Ian, you were fab.

You were fab.

What an eye, what an eye.

Well, we've had a great time.

TL: We'll head home.

IAN: And we'll head home.

I'll hang my head in shame and you can walk tall.

IAN: Oh, no, no, no.

TL: Can I drive at least?

Right.

OK.

Course you can drive.

TL: Bye.

See you later.

NATASHA: Yeah, thanks!

Bye!

VO: Well, win or lose, I think they've both been bitten by the bug.

TL: Well, I just have this vision, when we go back home, that our eyes will meet via two monocles... ..over an antique shop in Belfast.

VO: Toodle-pip!

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